I struggled to find the words for what I was seeing, so I just stood there speechless. I watched as he tried to quickly put on his clothes and as he pulled the sheet over her. Who was this girl in their bed? She looked so young, so innocent, but she had to know that the man she was with was married. Our wedding photo, pictures from various family vacations and pictures of our children covered the house.
I wasn’t hysterical. I wasn’t crying. In fact, there were a lot of things I wasn’t but it was hard to figure what I was. I listened as he profusely apologized for hurting me, for being reckless, for doing this in our house. The list of apologies continued, yet, I noticed he never apologized for the actual act. I guess he wasn’t sorry about that; he was just sorry he got caught.
I still hadn’t uttered a word. Suspicions of my husband having an affair had existed for a few months now, but I thought I was being paranoid. When he started acting distant, I attributed it to stress. When our sex life became practically non-existent, I attributed it to him being tired. He had recently received a promotion at work, so I assumed that was the reason for his strange behavior. What a stupid assumption on my part.
I had become distant over the past year as well. I had become more outgoing over the years—I loved going out on the weekends and traveling. My husband, on the other hand, always wanted to stay at home and watch a movie or read. We couldn’t even carry on a conversation anymore. Nothing he said interested me. We fought constantly—we wouldn’t yell, but our disagreements were becoming more frequent. Our relationship wasn’t what it used to be, but I was content.
I was looking at my husband as I thought about our marriage, or what was left of it. Then my focus shifted to the unknown girl. She hadn’t gotten dressed or moved at all. She was sitting in the bed, covering herself with the sheet, staring wide-eyed at the wall. How could someone who looked so innocent be such a whore? Why was she still there? Why was she still naked? What kind of person would have an affair with a married man?
There were too many questions, but I didn’t want answers. I didn’t care anymore. Everything had changed and there was no going back. I turned toward the door to leave. Before I left, I turned around to look at my husband. Tears were forming, but his eyes hadn’t released them yet.
“I want a divorce,” I said. With that, I walked out of the bedroom, out of the house, and out of my marriage.
I realized I wasn’t as upset by my husband being with another woman, as I was humiliated by his indiscretion. We had both moved on from each other emotionally, but I was upset that he moved on first, that we hadn’t discussed separating, but mostly I was upset because I was now truly alone.